Yes, Virginia; it’s a Jon Stewart Rally : And it’s not political?

According to the website www.rallytorestoresanity.com; the website for the Jon Stewart rally that took place over the weekend; there are many things that are going wrong with America today.  All of which are apart of the plot of the evil conservative minority who couldn’t stop the vote on any of the major legislation in the last two years.  Here’s just a little taste of the intro page along with color commentary by yours truly.

 “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!”

 

Who among us has not wanted to open their window and shout that at the top of their lungs?

 

Seriously, who?

—  Wow, Jon, you must be psychic because that is exactly what I have thought every time I have seen your show.  I just didn’t think that someone who loves the Sorros, Huffington, Obama trinity of ideologues would be saying the same thing after two years of their own side in control of every aspect of the national governing body.  Is this a sign of buyer’s remorse?  Didn’t get every possible tax-increase or nationally corrosive bankrupting social program that you wanted for your birthday?

Because we’re looking for those people. We’re looking for the people who think shouting is annoying, counterproductive, and terrible for your throat; who feel that the loudest voices shouldn’t be the only ones that get heard; and who believe that the only time it’s appropriate to draw a Hitler mustache on someone is when that person is actually Hitler. Or Charlie Chaplin in certain roles.

—  So you want people who don’t shout “The played on our fears…” or “Yeaaaaaah……” in front of large crowds?  Also, you don’t want the producers of Family Guy, American Dad, Lil’ Bush, The Simpsons, or practically any other show on either Cartoon Network or Comedy Central?  Ok, but it seems like your crowd is getting smaller by the minute.

Are you one of those people? Excellent. Then we’d like you to join us in Washington, DC on October 30 — a date of no significance whatsoever — at the Daily Show’s “Rally to Restore Sanity.”

— It’s good to see that you are finally realizing your own insignificance, Jon; good for you.

Ours is a rally for the people who’ve been too busy to go to rallies, who actually have lives and families and jobs (or are looking for jobs) — not so much the Silent Majority as the Busy Majority. If we had to sum up the political view of our participants in a single sentence… we couldn’t. That’s sort of the point.

—   Up until now, I never realized that the majority of rallies in our country for the last forty years have all been held by conservative, blue-collar, shift-working, every-day Joes.  I thought for sure the majority of the protests, sit-ins, love-ins, Woodstocks, marches, and other media whoring gatherings were from left-leaning ex-hippies who failed to make it anywhere without significant government hand-outs and/or trust fund baby investors.  Thank you Jon for making it clear who really attends all these anti-war, anti-Bush, anti-WTO, anti-Conservative rallies.

Think of our event as Woodstock, but with the nudity and drugs replaced by respectful disagreement; the Million Man March, only a lot smaller, and a bit less of a sausage fest; or the Gathering of the Juggalos, but instead of throwing our feces at Tila Tequila, we’ll be actively *not* throwing our feces at Tila Tequila. Join us in the shadow of the Washington Monument. And bring your indoor voice. Or don’t. If you’d rather stay home, go to work, or drive your kids to soccer practice… Actually, please come anyway. Ask the sitter if she can stay a few extra hours, just this once. We’ll make it worth your while.

—  For a non-partisan, non-political, non-radical, pro-establishment, bi-partisan rally; it sure sounds like you want all the best parts of the liberal crowd without that embarrassing socialistic-communistic, ‘free’ medical marijuana supporting, nouveau riche, anti-capitalist fringe that seems to be in front of every camera at these types of events.

Mr. Stewart, I humbly submit that, as usual, you are living proof of an inverse relationship between Ivy-League overly self-important elitism and common sense; and I also submit I can name your crowd in one sentence.  The crowd will was made up of those who hold the myopic view that the wisdom; that founded the nation; caused the first settlers to want something better than monarchy rule; and placed the United States in a unique position in history to be a beacon of hope for all those who want to truly live free of thought police and good-on-paper but bad-in-practice policies; is somehow out of fashion or foolish because those who implemented them were flawed and imperfect in the application.

PS. 

Hiding behind, “I’m not a [real] news anchor [or political operative], I’m just a monkey telling jokes”; is akin to berating people and then when they call you on it you reply “just kidding.”  It is the ultimate form of passive-aggressive cowardice.

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